Ho Chi Min, old Saigon. Lots of legitimate hate on the US and several rounds at happy hour.

Our first stop out of Cambodia was to Ho Chi Min City in Vietnam, or old Saigon. We took a bus over the border, which wasn’t too bad. I’d heard some horror stories about the bus disappearing when people got out to walk through customs, etc. We were lucky I suppose. It all went ok.

Saigon itself doesn’t have THAT much to do, save for the war museum and related sites. If you go a couple of hours outside the city you can crawl around in the tunnels used by the Vietnamese during the war, and shoot a machine gun if you like. It sounds a little gruesome to me – shooting a gun into a previous killing field site? Reliving a massacre …

No? It’s just me?

I later heard a fellow backpacker tell a story about a dude from Michigan who had gone to the tunnels to shoot guns into the fields. According to this observer, the guy took off his shirt and insisted on wearing a belt of bullets across his chest while he gleefully shot into a field of imaginary people.

The kid telling this story wasn’t from the US, and after telling this story seemed to be looking at me to stick up for the people in my country. He seemed a little shocked when I just shrugged and said, “Yup, that sounds about right.”

Due to time constraints and lack of interest, we decided to hit up the museum but skip the tunnels.

I was a little ashamed to be an American as I walked through the Vietnam War museum. Just saying. I tried not to talk too much and hope that people thought I was Autralian. I get that a lot here anyway.

To escape the afternoon heat, we got Vietnamese massages from blind massuses who didn’t speak English. Talk about a lack of communication. The only thing they were able to tell me was to take my clothes off – they felt me up, realized I was dressed and started pulling.

If I thought the Vietnamese were the toughest people in SE Asia, the massage certainly proved it. Nothing like the stretching of the Thai massage, or the pressure points of Chinese – the Vietnamese literally just beat you in rhythm until you seem to be back in the right shape. A hour of getting slapped around is basically what you’re getting here. It felt ok, but I’m not a serious fan.

The market wasn’t too friendly either – they pulled and pushed and physically trapped you in their shops. If you decided not to buy something, they yelled at you and called you a bad person. It was a loooooot of fun.

But the one thing that they had plenty of in Saigon were AVOCADO SHAKES. OMG. The world’s greatest food. A little sweet, a little buttery and totally totally delicious. The saving grace to my first encounter with Vietnam.

That night I met up with a couple of Canadian guys we had met on the bus who had joined up with a few other girls from Canada and Australia. They were nice enough to let me hang out with them, even though I’m American. No one likes us over here, guys.

We hit up a bar for happy hour, which offered buy 2 get 1 free. Three of the kids decided to share drinks, which left Daniel and me to split 3 cocktails every round instead of just 2. You can imagine how well this turned out.

I was approached by the douchiest Australian guy ever rocking a rice paddy hat, ski goggles (?!wtf!?!) and a shit load of big red welts from a cupping massage he had gotten that day. As I asked him about the massage he pulled off his sexy sexy wife beater and told me how awesome it was. “Do you feel detoxed now?” I asked. “Huh?” Yeah. Great. Glad you really appreciated your cupping experience, jackass.

After about 2 more lines of conversation, he asked, “So, are we going to have sex tonight?”

“Umm, huh? That was quick. And blunt.” I mean, he was cute, but come on …

“I’m on holiday, you know. I don’t have time to flirt.”

“Hmm. Maybe? Wait, no. No, we’re not. I think I’m going dancing with my friends now.”

And we did. Drinking, dancing, stumbling and meeting up with more Australians. I swear, it’s fate telling me that Sydney will be awesome.

I rolled in at 2am or so. I was completely wasted as I got on the 7am bus to Dalat the next morning. God bless the early rising noodle lady

Eating tarantulas and playing Jenga in a brothel

On our way out of Cambodia we stopped for one more night out with Mikey - and got our passports and visas to Vietnam. We went to a lovely little cafe for dinner, where the boys convinced me to eat tarantulas. Not one, but two.

The first wasn't so bad - taken in small bites with LOTS of sauce. The second was for a dare - I had to eat the whole thing in one bite (or as close as possible) and I would get $10 from Adam and a free drink from Rios. Which I did.

Then they added a stipulation that I couldn't have any other beverage during the entire 15 minutes it took us to pay and get to a cocktail lounge. The crunchy exoskeleton was in between my teeth for the entire time.

Mike is a shady bastard. Listen to his remarks in the background.

Bitches. Victory never tasted so sweet. Just like chicken.

After dinner and drinks, Mikey left us while we decided to continue the party. As the bars started to close, we found ourselves a little stranded in a sudden downpour. We took refuge in a little bar that looked cute ... but turned out to be a brothel. Easy misunderstanding.

We played 4 mean games of Jenga and happily took down a few cocktails each before calling it a night.

Thank you Cambodia. Next stop - Vietnam!

A nice river ride from Siam Reap to Battambong

Before heading out to Vietnam, we needed to make another pit stop in PP to pick up our passports and visas. Heading out of Siam Reap we thought it might be nice to take a scenic boat trip down the river to Battambong, Cambodia's second largest city.

The low river level made for a LONG boat ride ... 8ish hours, actually. But it was a great way to see some of the countryside and enjoy the day.

A little rickety tugboat thing took us down with a small group of travelers from all over the world.

Europeans smell bad in Asia. Just saying.

We passed through a dozen or so little villages that were mostly built on water. It was nuts! They all used little boats to get around like they were on streets - even the smallest kids were floating around.

Nearly every building was actually a float - schools, shops, houses. It looked like a lot of people lived on boats with little shacks on them. There was even a little floating market.

It was a hot, sleepy day, but I managed to take a few pics. Cheers!

It's official - next move ... SYDNEY!!!!

AHHH, it finally came through. The impossible visa to have a working holiday in Australia actually came through.

It was quite a process, including some paperwork and some serious medical checkups at a far away clinic in Chiang Mai.

I've managed to convince a nice Australian family in Sydney to take me in and let me be an AuPair starting in late April of this year. Assuming all goes well, I'll be home just in time for Christmas at the end of the year.

Very very excited. More details to come at another time.

Start planning those vacays now, bitches.

Angkor Wat, National Treasure. Not to be confused with the very entertaining Nicholas Cage movie.

From PP we shipped out to Siam Reap, home to Angkor Wat. The largest temple in the world, this site put all of my other ruined temple sites to shame. Well, at least in size.

Some of the temples were originally built as Hindu sites, but were later used for Buddhist purposes. They are all intricate, huge, beautiful, extremely old and make you wonder how in the hell they were constructed without the use of modern technology. Amazing.

According to UNESCO.org –
“Angkor is one of the most important archaeological sites in South-East Asia. Stretching over some 400 km2, including forested area, Angkor Archaeological Park contains the magnificent remains of the different capitals of the Khmer Empire, from the 9th to the 15th century. They include the famous Temple of Angkor Wat and, at Angkor Thom, the Bayon Temple with its countless sculptural decorations.”

The whole site is huge, so most people hire a tuk-tuk driver/informal tour guide for the day. Mr. Sin was the man, and he was quite a cutie.

My camera started acting up this day – UGH – so I didn’t get as many pics as I would like. Adam has some great ones, I will try to steal soon.

My fav temple was actually never finished – it was hit by lightening during construction, so the king decided it was bad luck and abandoned it. But I still love it because of the amazingly crazy stairs you have to climb up to get to the top.

These cement “stairs” are more like small grooves in a wall. It’s quite vertical, the stairs are shallow and they are widely spread apart. We made it up just fine, but one other girl made the mistake of looking down mid-ascent. She needed a little help getting down after that.

All in all it was a beautiful day with beautiful, breathtaking temples. I now have a serious sunburn that shows the exact lines of my tee shirt.

Nice.

First stop - Phnom Penh, Cambodia

I’m writing this while riding on the craziest bus ride ever in Vietnam. I may end up with a broken laptop during one of these near accidents. So bear with me.

First stop on my SE Asian adventure was Phnom Pehn, Cambodia – home to the one and only Mike Rios. With the help of his trusty instruction sheet and a personally made map, we landed, dropped off our passports to get Vietnam visas and met Mikey at a café near his amazing apartment.

This kid is living it up in PP. I’m telling you, it’s tempting.

I spent a few days in the spoils of Western delights – bread, wine, cocktails and other tasties. Great little cafes and bars with cushioned benches and English speaking staff. I was impressed by this little-big city.

There is so much good food here. My personal theory is that the French occupation blessed this country with great baguette on every corner. I think it’s a good guess.

Even though its been nearly 5 years since we last embraced, it took no time for Mike and me to get back where we left off.

I wanted to stroke his extreme Cambodia sideburns. He wanted to stick his fingers up my nose.

I’ve included photos of the resulting compromise.

The next day Adam and I set off to see the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum, an old school that was set up as a torture camp during the Khmer Rouge. I’m ashamed to say that my historic knowledge of this period is limited, but the museum certainly helped to clarify.

Grotesque doesn’t cut it. I was so moved that I got a little dizzy and lost a bit of feeling in my hands.

The classrooms had mostly been turned into torture rooms. Most were empty except for one bed and a graphic black and white photo of a victim in that room, either tied to the bed or otherwise chained. Photos were post-torture. Graphic.

There was also a photo exhibition with interview excerpts with survivors of the massacres. It was hard to think that nearly every tuk-tuk driver in the city, anyone above the age of 40 had lived through the Khmer Rouge and had almost certainly suffered and lost a loved one.

Tough stuff, but certainly worth an afternoon.

That night I hit up the town with Mike and his amazing roomie. We had a lot of drinks, shared poop stories and went dancing on a pontoon boat turned bar/dance club. Excellent times all around.

A little hung over, I headed out the next day. We’d be back to say goodbyes and pick up the visas.

Nope, it's not photoshopped. Yes, it really happened.

This photo was taken while I waited for some mai aroi som tom on Soi 11 near the very very busy Sukhumvit road in Bangkok.



Why would you ride an ELEPHANT in traffic, in Bangkok, at 11pm? No one knows.

Expat Escapades is going on the road!

That’s right folks – I’m hoping to keep up with you all for the next couple of months while I backpack through Cambodia, Vietnam and possibly Malaysia.

Or some other places. Or the islands of Thailand. You know me and decision making.

I’m in Bangok now waiting for a Mr. Adam Leslie to arrive on a very very delayed flight. Tomorrow we head out on an afternoon flight to Phnom Penh, Cambodia to see the one and only Mike Rios. The one who started my personal Asian Invasion … it’s bound to be blog material.

From there we head to Angor Wat, then back to Phnom Penh, and then Vietnam. All over. Until April 13th, when I hope to be back in Thailand for the Thai NY celebration, Songkran.

It’s a huge water fight, and it’s supposed to be the coolest holiday of the year here. I can’t miss it.

In any case, it’s gonna get spotty in terms of internet connections. So Schrama – lay off it, ok? Gimmeabreak. OkThanks.

Mai mah leau. Sawatdeejau, HangChat

Oh, here come the emotions. Still no tears, but you know.

On Wednesday morning I said my final final final goodbyes to everyone at the school. It was pretty tough, and overwhelming in how heartfelt it seemed. Thai people tend to keep their emotions locked up, so seeing some honest reaction to my departure was a little shocking.

Nate cried a lot. It was cute.

The gifts poured in from everywhere – jewelry, thai pants, coconut belts, teddy bears, scarves, etc. I was amazed.

Just before I left the house, a couple of my favorite little kiddies from town and one of my cute students came to the house to say goodbyes and give me king and queen teddy bears as a set. I will keep them forever.

Ning and Pan came with me to the bus station, and totally took charge. Arranged for my HUGE luggage to get on the bus, bought me a lunch and snacks for the road, and waited until the bus pulled away to wave goodbye. Such moms until the bitter end.

I spent all day Wednesday on the bus to Bangkok. It still hasn’t sunk in that I’m DONE. Once I leave the country, I’m sure it will.

ENGLISH CAMP

Why is that in all caps? Because they were screaming it for 2 days straight, and I want you to get the full effect.

ENGLISH CAAAMP!

My last 2 days on campus were filled with the joy of English Camp. 2 days of teaching our Matiyum 4 kids how to clap, dance, scream and generally be obnoxious while occasionally communicating their joy in my mother tongue.

It wasn’t thaaat bad. I’m just tired.

Sunday afternoon I got a call from my coordinator asking me to IMMEDIATELY email him some lyrics for one of the games. “I will be waiting to see it soon please.”

6 hours later he called back to let us know that the entire international email network was out, (his personal theory when things online don't work) so he wasn’t able to access it. He had just noticed … because he had just looked for it. Way to make me jump for nothing, huh?

We agreed to meet him bright and early at 7am for camp prep the next morning. Nate banged on my bedroom door to wake me and successfully got me out of the house on time. But it was for NOTHING – our coordinator didn’t roll in until 8am.

I called this one. Nate didn’t believe me.

A lack of structure was basically the theme of the camp. Things were supposed to start at 8:30am, but didn’t commence until 10:30am. Whole activities were scraped, water balloon fights broke out. Dancing and singing was all done in Thai, even though it was ENGLISH camp. Whatever.

The day was just long. At 10:30pm things finally started to wind down enough for me to duck out, but only after rocking out at the dance party. Apparently the whole thing still went on for some time. I went home and immediately crashed.

The next morning I attempted to lead an intro yoga session – at 6:30am – to kids who don’t understand English or give a damn about physical fitness. So I made Nate demonstrate to add an element of entertainment. I wish I had pictures for you.

NONE of the adults showed up to my session. Bitches.

To retaliate, I skipped the intro and breakfast session to go home and do laundry. Haha.

The rest of the day was calm – said my goodbyes again, and gave my goodbye presents to some teary-eyed teachers. For the first time I realized that they were really going to miss me.

The kids all headed home around 3pm – I went home to pack and clean like a madwoman. And just like that, it was all done.

My last day as Kru Lisa

I am officially done teaching at HangChat Wittaya School. My last day of school – and the kids’ last day of testing – was Friday. I can’t believe it’s over, it went by so quickly.

Blah blah.

I woke up early to say a few words to the kids at the morning assembly, although I’m sure few understood me over the crazy sound system. In any case, I said my goodbyes without any tears. It was too early for me to really understand what was happening.

There wasn’t much for us to do, since they were all taking tests. So I walked around, said goodbye, handed out candy and signed the shirts and books and pictures that the kids gave me. You can imagine the cheese I was dishing out.

“Best of luck in all you do.”

“Keep dreaming.”

“I will miss you terribly.”

“PRACTICE ENGLISH.”

God, I’m so inspirational. I should write a book.

Then I tried to take a nap, but I couldn’t because I was sweating from every pore in my body.

The end.

I'm totally THAT teacher

You know in high school, there was always that one teacher who was young and cool, and who you liked to hang out with after school sometimes? We had a few.

Well, I’ve totally become THAT teacher at school. It feels pretty good.

Earlier this week we ran into a couple of our fav 6/3 kids while we eating dinner. These are seniors, and they’ve already taken most exams, so they’re pretty checked out of the game.

We always ask if they want to hang out, what they are doing, etc. Just typical nice Thai chatting. But for some reason they actually came the other night, and were thrilled to see the inside of our house.

It’s not much, but anything American really threw them off. My stack of collected American mags, my electric toothbrush, photos of family – all of this was really amusing to them. They just went around looking at everything, asking where it was all from, what it was. Then there was the confusing attempt at translating, even though they speak a lot of English. I swear, it’s these kids who have learned the most from us – and we don’t even really teach class topics.

The following night they took us to a market, which was super cute. We had a crew of 4 escorts this time, who got very worried if I strayed and watched our every move. Like they needed to protect me? “Reesaaaaa. Risa. Pai nai?” Adorable.

The L and the R is had for the Thai to distinguish. So my name is Risa.

I thought the streak was over until they showed up at our house around 10pm last night. We couldn’t figure out what they wanted or what was up until one of them started sitting in the street and kept yelling – “Teacher, we come in PLEEEASE?!”

Wasted. My kids were totally wasted.

Apparently they had skipped out of school at 2pm and headed to a friend’s house to drink. Until around 9pm. 7 hours of amateur drinking, sitting on my doorstep.

We let them in and fed them candy, water and vitamins. One curled up in a ball on the floor for a quick nap. The others spent an hour trying to learn how to open the child lock on my One-A-Days. They’ve never seen one before!

Around 11 they finally headed out. Nate drove home with them to make sure they got in safely. I was a tired bitch, so I just went to sleep.

I’m going to miss these kids. Boopants.