Nate's new workout plan. You can thank Daniel for this one.

This post is dedicated to Daniel. Ask and you shall receive. But it’s going to cost you once I get back to NYC.

There’s supposedly a gym in HangChat, or Lampang, or somewhere in between, but I have yet to see it. I’ve found that jogging at the park, soccer with the kids and some basic mat work is enough to keep me in-shape-ish.

I try to do yoga sometimes, but let’s be real. That never works.

In any case, here’s what Nate’s new workout plan looks like.

Eat your heart out, ladies.

Adventures in HangChat

I really overuse the word “adventure.” It just works for me. But let’s continue anyway.

Beach trips = no monies for Lisa.

Long bus rides, plus motorcab rides, plus ferry rides, plus other kinds of rides = expensive vacations.


In an attempt to save some baht for the coming NYE shit show extravaganza, I have stayed in HangChat for 2 weekends in a row now. And to be honest, it’s been pretty fantastic. Except that Nate’s here.

Last weekend we effed around town a bit, but to be honest I was pretty lame. I caught a little flu-ish bug that was going around the English staff room, and I was under the weather.

Ning, one of my fav teachers, came in one morning and asked how I was. “Mai sabai,” (not well) I responded. “Nit noi sick.”


“Feeling a little UNDER THE WEATHER!?!?!?” she asked. Which was immediately followed by a fit of giggles.

She explained that she had JUST learned that expression on an English show she was watching over the weekend. Despite my mai sabai, she was thrilled at having used it properly on her first try. The whole exchange made my morning. Adorable.

So, the only cool-ish thing we did last weekend was when Nate got ants in his pants and decided we were going on a roadtrip, motorbike style. I happened to already be on the bike when this was decided, so I had little choice in the manner.

It was a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon, and we just drove. Well, he just drove, while I challenged his sense of direction. He can pick up Thai vocab like a champ, but his internal compass leaves something to be desired.

We ended up at the bottom of a doi (mountain) that clearly housed a wat (temple) on top. Old Love, our ancient motorbike, bitched the whole.way.up. But Nate has a way with women, and we got up without any major issues.

What a beautiful sight. The wat was silent – there wasn’t another soul there. There were two sites built into the side of the mountainside, overlooking all of the HangChat fields and countryside. Add in a setting sun, and you’ve got a pretty breathtaking view to end a gorgeous drive.

Pictures to tell the story. Blah blah blah.

I heart HangChat.

Oh, and I forgot about the fire dancers

We went to the fire show almost every night we were on Koh Samet. Which I sort of mentioned before. But here’s a video to help explain.

Kim and I tried to learn one afternoon, but it wasn’t that successful. She did ok, but I have no hand-eye coordination. So I just left the fire dancers an open opportunity to come up behind me and “show” me how to hold the fire stick properly.

At one point I screamed SAVE ME to Kim without even trying to hide it. The main fire dancer had a firm grip, but I managed to slip out with a cunning duck of the head.

That’s all. The end. For reals this time.

It’s still like a scene from "The Beach" – minus crazy people who won’t let you go to Bangkok.

We went to bed super early in Pattaya, since there was really nothing spectacular about the nightlife. I mean, if you’re a white dude from the West who’s wife is at home while you’re in Thailand working out a mid-life crisis, you might disagree. As it were, I don’t fall into that bubble. And neither does Kim.

So we woke up at the ass crack of dawn to get on a minibus at 7:30. That’s AM. Au Bon Pain opened at 7 and offered a cost-efficient breakfast menu. Score.

A mini-bus took us on a little journey to Ban Phae, a port city, which led to a tug-boat, which led to what I called the refugee boat, although I’m sure there’s a much more PC name for it. But seriously, refugees come over on similar “boats.”

It was a floating deck with a motor attached, and we all had to jump off the tugboat onto the deck, with luggage, while chugging along in the island’s bay. Without falling in. And that still wasn’t the end - even the platform couldn’t make it all the way in – so we eventually had to lose the shoes and jump in the water, still holding our luggage, and walk ourselves onto dry land. Which wasn’t a huge deal for me, but seemed to seriously annoy some prissy Euro-trash on a day tour of the islands.

At this point we were a little confused as to where we had landed on the island, so we just went to the taxi lane and asked them to take us to the backpacker beach, Ao Hin Kohk.

Thanks again, Lonely Planet, for making all of my decisions for me. You suck with restaurant picks, but you get the guesthouse thing pretty right on.

Well, the cab driver informs us that the entire minibus costs 200 baht to rent one way. Which is kinda a lot. We can take it now, or wait an undetermined amount of time and hope that someone will share it with us.

Boopants.

So we decide to wait. And then we decide to try and walk. And then we realize that we’re really far away, and there’s no way we can walk. So we go back to the cabbies and wait again.

A nice German couple is there, willing to share the cab. But it’s still pretty steep, even with 4 people. We suggest waiting for a few more to lessen the blow. Like, 8 more people.

They convert the cost to Euros and explain that it’s still very cheap. We explain that we are on Thai budgets, and we’re American, so either way their reasoning won’t really work for us.

In a grand gesture we walk away and sit down, out of earshot of the German man trying unsuccessfully to bargain with the Thai drivers. Just to show that, while we wish we could, we simply cannot pay that much for such a short ride.

In the end they decide that they will pay the 200 to rent, and we can ride for free.

Yay Germans.

So that was awesome.

We make it to the backpacker’s area and land at Naga’s Bungalows, a nice little wooden place with little bungalows built into the side of the cliff. Excellent. One room left, will be clean in 30 minutes. Sounds great, thanks.


It was camping, really. I loved it, but let’s call it what it was. The bungalow was a wooden box on sticks that floated on a slant in the jungle. Inside was a piece of cement with a single sheet on it, covered in mosquito netting, which resembled a bed. No furniture, concrete floors, an old fan, no screen. No blankets or anything to cover yourself with. No towels.

“Shared bathrooms” were outdoor showers with no hot water and outdoor squat toilets. No sink, etc. But there WAS toilet paper, and that was something.

Again, I actually loved this place, even if it was really hard to sleep. We just didn’t sleep, really – we could do that on the beach during the day.

The rest of the day passed peacefully, uneventful – it was cloudy, and some fat farang got tipped in their kayaks and had to give up without getting out of the bay. Kim and I made up a dialogue that included them walking the kayaks back to the rental stand and insisting that the boats were broken. We.Are.Hilarious.

As we’re walking back to the guesthouse I see – wait, could it be? – Juliette!!! And Stephen. I see her EVERYWHERE – Chiang Mai, and now Koh Samet? This is an island that’s at least a 15 hour trip from where we live. Nuts.

Later that night we all grab some margaritas, and then wine, and then beer, fried rice, noodles, mussels, huka, cigs and weeds – the craziest combo my body has experienced in one night. Ever. But, I mean, with the waves crashing and the lights on the beach and the dancing, who could resist? Then Stephen requested “Love Generation” from the DJ and we had a tribute dance for Bob Sinclair on the beach among fire dancers and waves and smoking objects that were recently lit with gasoline. Beautiful.

I think the combo hit us all a little abruptly – add that to the early morning traveling, and Kim and I were beat. We made it to 1am, which was pretty late considering the shenanigans started at 6ish. And we had been awake FOREVER.

The other days were all kinda of a blur of poached eggs, banana shakes, white sand, turquoise water, huka, Singha and Europeans in string bikinis. And some peddlers on the beach, but not as many. And a ton of crazy dogs. There was a reggae bar with “coyote” dancers in lingerie that we hit up one night. I’m getting bored with the naked girl thing.

I got an awesome tan, which eventually started to peel on my back a few days ago. I rubbed it with aloe every day for a week after I burned, and I STILL peeled. Eff you, green slimy shit. Your label LIED to me.

Since my ass was burned – literally, my ass – we decided to explore the island on a rented ATV – or 4 wheeler if you’re from the Midwest. The blue beast was the best idea ever – she took all around the island, which was quite a distance, on the most treacherous roads ever.

There is 1 road on the island, which works for all motor and foot traffic. It’s totally sand/dirt with HUGE potholes, and is extremely steep and windy. So all of these foreigners on motorbikes, crazy Thai mini buses and little kiddies walking around use the same dangerous, narrow street. God help us.

The man at the rental place showed me the break, handed me a map and reminded me that I should drive on the left side of the road. Peace out. See you in 10 hours.

Kim was brave enough to let me drive first, since I have recent motorbike operation experience. You can ask her how she feels about that decision now.

I wish we took pics driving, but we were both too busy fearing for our lives. I was sore the next day from clutching everything with every muscle with all the strength I had just to stay on the damn thing.

At the first beach we stop to visit, we park the beast. And she starts to roll. Thankfully, Kim noticed before we lost her.

The beach was secluded, quiet, beautiful – and it had a SWING.

We basically did this all day – drive to a beach, swim, sleep, explore, take pics, repeat.

We’ve reached that point in the story where I can’t explain myself – it’s just a gorgeous, unreal island, where white sand beaches hit cliffs that hit really blue water. Some of the areas have reefs in them, and you can see it from the shore. I’ve honestly never seen anything quite like it before. So the pics here and on fb will have to tell the story for me.

This state of awesomeness lasted all day. We were soooo tired by the time we were done, we decided to head back to the hostel and watch the movie they were showing in the living room. And order huge sundaes like they make in the States, complete with a brownie. I don’t know the last time I saw a brownie. It was beautiful, really.

We reluctantly left on Tuesday afternoon after 3.5 days of bliss on the island, and another 2 in Pattaya. It was back to the boats and busses.

I left Koh Samet at 1pm on Tuesday. I arrived in HangChat at 4:30am on Wednesday.

After 8 hours of dosing on the overnight bus in complete dark and silence, the steward turns on the lights and shakes me.

HANGCHAT HANGCHAT HANGCHAT.

Umm, ok, thanks? Lemme grab my bag, put on my shoes …

HANGCHATHANGCHATHANGCHAT.

Oook, my bag is still under the bus…. – oh, wait, you’re throwing it at me now.

The bus barely stopped before I was on the ground. I was still sleeping. At 4:30 in the morning, on the side of the road, alone in rural Thailand. Sound like the beginning of a bad horror flick?

Luckily Nate is nice sometimes and picked me up right away. And I went to bed, which felt like heaven after sleeping in the bungalow. Although it seemed a little quiet without the noise from the reggae bar to rock me to sleep.

And I spent the next few days wishing I were back on the beach and begging Nate to put aloe on my back. Last time. I promise. Wait, did you miss a spot? Is it peeling yet? Does it look burned? Etc.

More beach time to come - Koh Samui in 1.5 weeks. And then Koh Pha-Ngan for the full moon party on NYE. We’re sure to have some stories after that one. Let’s just hope I’m not in Thai prison.

Just kidding, Mom ;)

Yay, SNAIL MAIL!!!

Finally, the strikes at the airport have let up a bit, and we’re able to get international mail again. This is really the only way that the political bru-haha has impacted my life at all. So no worries, in case you were.

If you want a more candid explanation of what exactly has been happening in Bangkok, please refer to my friend Marianne’s blog. Or, just Google it. Or CNN. Or the Times. Etc.

In any case, I finally got my mom’s Christmas care package spectacular. OMG. The woman can pack a box of love, that’s for damn sure. Chocolate, cookies, banana bread, other sugary goodness, a small Christmas tree …

I love you Mommy.

I also got a very unexpected gift from one Kim Gouz of Chicago. I’m currently wearing a lovely tank top and eating a Fiber One bar, all thanks to her. Oh, and I know everything I would want to be wearing this season if I were in NYC. People magazine = Bible.

Soooo … if you want a shout out, send me something. Now.

K, thanks.

It’s like a scene from “The Beach,” minus Leonardo DiCaprio. Part 1.

After 2 months-ish in Thailand, I finally made it to the beach. O.M.G.

I was supposed to go to elephant camp last weekend – like, real overnight elephant camp – but somehow it filled up on me. Even though I had a semi-reservation. Blah blah, translation issues. Sorry Kim, for dropping the ball on this one.

We found out on Monday that we would not go to elephant camp. Vacation started on Thursday, and was a week long thanks to a line-up of holidays and school events. 1 sports day, 1 King’s birthday, a weekend and a school competition in the city that gave us days off. Excellent.

So what else would we do but hit the beach?

After a full 8 hour bus ride and a tragic navigation of the Bangkok bus station on a holiday, I found myself on a bus to Pattaya. It was a short 2-hour trip from Bangkok to it’s hedonistic beach-side counterpart.

Let’s rephrase that – it SHOULD have felt short. But thanks to a bitchy bus-ticket lady, I was assigned the fifth-middle-bitch seat in the last row of a fully-packed bus. So, if you looked down the aisle of said bus, you would have seen me, pouting, having a silent elbow battle with the old Thai man to my right. Totally passive aggressive – a loud sigh, a dramatic shift, an elbow to the side. Then silence. Then the next person goes. Repeat.

Finally the dude found the air-con and seat adjustment lever, and started to fall asleep. It only took an hour.

He wasn’t very bright.

So I land in Pattaya, snag Kim at the bus station, randomly pick a hostel/guesthouse strip from the Lonely Planet map and head out. We wander and find a place. A quick glance at the landscape and we’ve officially dubbed the place Cancun meets Miami. Spring break on steroids. Niiiiice.

In the heat of the night, all of the old white men are out. In full force. I don’t know if this has something to do with the strikes, and maybe an old white dude convention got stranded here? In any case, it’s gross. Gross, gross, gross.

But there IS a McDonalds. And Starbucks. And Au Bon Pan. I’m ashamed to say I hit them all – but other than the Starbucks, it’s wasn’t too pricey. And I only got ice cream at McDonalds. And I had the new Christmas Frap flavor!!! But I will never do it again.

We have a beer, street food, somtom. Time for bed – maybe it’ll be nicer in the morning?

Call me a snob, but it was not that nice in daylight either. Crowded, narrow beach, no hiding from the peddling vendors selling EVERYTHING you could ever imagine – sunglass, food, sheets, bedspreads, pedicures, massages … I FINALLY find a pair of sunglasses I like, bargain them down 100 baht, and break them exactly 5 minutes later. Ugh.

We wander, see a gorgeous sunset and go to bed early. We’ll catch the early early 7:30AM bus out of here and get to Koh Samet, an island a few hours away.

Koh Samet was much better. Stay tuned.

More photo links ... I know you want this

Here are some more photo links for those of you interested - and not already connected on FB.

This is an older album, but I updated it with a few pics of my students, school, classroom, etc:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2251319&l=40d83&id=22400081

The next one is from my beach adventure - more details on that great adventure to come:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2256139&l=e3112&id=22400081

Som – which means “orange” in Thai. Or angel if you’re me.

Som is the new Joi. The Joi of Lanna. She is beautiful, Thai and provides food, entertainment and love.

I met Som while we lived in Lampang – she had just opened a little restaurant that was attached to our building. She makes lovely little meals at cheap prices and hosts a crew of hippie Thais on a regular basis. In fact, it is a true hippie palace. It’s named Na Bob’s, as in Marley. Plus, she speaks great English and is fun to hang out with.

On a particularly restless night for me early in the trip, I decided to roll with this hippie crowd and let them take me to a “party,” which was really a chill group with a guitar, weed and whiskey, singing Bob Marley and Jack Johnson songs as best as their broken English could manage. My scene for sure.

They all chatted in Thai trying to put together one-liners in English. Versions of “I love you” and “You’re beautiful” were all they managed to come up with. Somehow, that never gets old. I’m ok with it.

After we moved to HangChat I didn’t see much of Som. Sadpants. But when we decided to crash in Lampang town for the night, I gave her a call to see what she was up to.

“You come to my house? We drink? I pick you up in five minutes.”

Pure.Love.

(Side note – Thai showers are heated by a little electric box that’s attached to the shower head. As punishment for taking so freakin’ long to shave his legs and making me wait until 8pm to eat dinner, I’ve just hit the switch on said water heater while Nate showers. Let’s see how long it takes him to notice.)

Back to Som.

Exactly 3 seconds into the ride, she turns around. “You want to drink or smoke weed?”

Wait, was that just a dream, or did she really ask me that question? It was hotter than that time that Matt Damon came up to me at the bar and said, “Your place or mine?”

So me, Nate, Som and a bunch of Thai dudes sat around and drank a whole freakin’ case of Chang 40’s. Which, that night, tasted like Singha. Because just being in Som’s presence makes things taste better. It was one of the best nights I’ve had here.

We sang some old-school Backstreet Boys, acoustic style, and that “Kiss Me” song that is so popular here. They only know a handful of American songs – why they like that one so much, I will never know. Then we bashed English women. Not because I like to, but because our new friend Thor has had his heart broken by 2 of them. He loves American girls, though.

The rest of the night passed blissfully, although a bit cloudy.

I’m sure you’ll hear more about this gem, Som. And I’ll take a picture sometime soon. Because she’s freakin’ adorable. She even texted me to tell me that the moon was smiling, which only appears every 4 years in Thailand. Or maybe every 100 years. The jury is still out on that one.



(Nate just noticed about the water heater. Not.amused.)

Time for dinner now.

Sukhothai is old – ancient, really. I mean it

Because we’re awesome and want to see everything there is to see in Thailand, the girlies decided to meet for a weekend in Sukhothai.

That’s Su-ko-thai. Not Suko-thai. Obviously.

Sukhothai was the original capital of Siam, back in the day. Like, in the 13th century. Which, in all seriousness, makes for an amazing sight.

See below for my adventures on the bus.

Then we continued on.

An additional - and very comfortable - 2 hours pass and we’re in Sukhothai. I snag a basket attached to a motorbike, which is known as a cab here. Then I hit up a guesthouse, hit up another guesthouse and book some hotel rooms. Etc.

That first night, Kim and I go in search of all things holy – street Pad Thai and Singha. We were sooo much more successful than we ever thought possible.

After some uneventful beer drinking and a run-in with some lame German travelers, we crossed the bridge – literally – and found ourselves in a night market that appeared to serve beer until the sun came up. Excellent.

Just as soon as the first Singha hit the table, we were approached by Sergent Smith. A Thai soldier.

In case you’re confused, Sergent Smith has an anecdote to help you understand. “Smith, Smith – you know, like Will Smith? Bad Boys!?!? I’m a bad boy – my name Sergent Smith.”

Oooooooh. Silly me. Now I understand.

Drink, drink, lots of cashews, some bananas soaked in love, more cashews, more beer. He pretends to understand English, I pretend to care. We ignore him and have girl talk.

Kelly and Marianne get to the guesthouse at 2am and call me. “We’re across the bridge drinking with Sergent Smith. Start walking towards the river and I’ll meet you.”

The beautiful thing about this moment is that Kelly, with a huge backpack in hand and 9 hours of traveling behind her, does not even question this. She just confirms the directions, lights up a smoke and walks towards the bridge.

More beer, cigarettes and Sergent Smith. He loves me because I’m the only one who didn’t say she was married. Bitches.

I make up a story about how my phone only calls US numbers, and how it costs some astronomical amount to call me if you’re not in the States. Which is clearly proven wrong when the girls call me on Thai cell phones. Whatevs. I take his number and promise to call. He hits up the ATM and pays for all the booze.

Again, we are bitches.

We sleep nit noi and wake up early to get moving on seeing ancient shit. A whole ancient ruined city, actually.

All five of us roll into one basket that pushes us all the way to the national park, where we rent some nice little peddle bikes for the day.

“Yours has a 9 on the back. Remember that.”

“Haha, that’s funny – so does yours. And Marianne’s.”

This should have been a sign that something was wrong, but I was too preoccupied making my old-fashioned bell work while ringing it incessantly to the tune of “Ring My Bell.” And singing along. While driving the peddle bike through motor traffic.

At the first stop we lock up the bikes as instructed – 3 tied together with one chain, 2 with the other. Too easy.

A few photoshoots with Buddhas and we’re ready to hit the road. Unfortunately, there are only 3 bikes left. And they ALL HAVE A 9 ON THE BACK.

We realize that the bike company must be stealing these back, hoping that we’ll come crawling with apologies and pay for the cost of replacing them. Otherwise they would have taken our names, or charged us more than a dollar for a day’s rental.

Puh-lease. Like we didn’t see through that.

There are pegs on the back of 2 of the bikes, with a little place to strap your bags and other goods. Or, if you’re crafty, a farang chic.


So the rest of the day we peddle 2 to a bike. Up hill, on the highway – doesn’t matter. Wee seeing ancient things. And Buddhas. It’s good karma if we have to work hard.

The day is beautiful, as you can see. Beautiful and breathtaking and tiring and completely worth the trip. I don’t know when I’ve had time to spend an entire day at a national park. Or dedicate a weekend to getting there.

We adopted an English guy named Mark on the way and invited him to drink with us later that night. And since Marianne is a blatant whore, he took us up on it.

The night was great, we stumbled around and turned a full stage show into a karaoke shit-show the way only we could. Downed 2 bottles of rum in 1 hour.

I sang the Titanic theme song at the top of my lungs with a Thai singer who should not have put up with me. Kim stopped mid-song to play Freecell on stage, using the laptop that plays karaoke lyrics. Par for the course.

I really wish one of the ladies would send me a video or picture of this.

Then Kim and Marianne decided to get fucked up and Kelly and I babysat. Haha, love it.

The next morning we had breakfast, got on buses and went home. Nate picked me up on the curb, which is a legit bus stop according to the HangChat police, and informed me that we had been robbed. By students. But it’s ok, because the school gave everything back and expelled them. I should just “watch my back,” since the kid might be angry and he’s evil and he might try to hurt me. Niiice.

Honestly, it’s ok though, because I have a live-in babysitter. And the kid is MAYBE 80lbs. So I could sit on him and he would die.

The end.

Lisa attempts to ride the bus – alone. And it’s enough to warrant a blog post

Since I love to pretend I’m Thai and not plan anything, or think about anything too hard, I just attempted to jump on a bus on a Friday afternoon to make the 4 hour journey to Sukhothai. Which, thanks to Sutham (Alex), was perfect. I walked riiiight onto a direct bus just as the doors were closing.

Unfortunately, this meant that I didn’t have time to hit the toilets. Which proved to be a problem, since the one on the bus was out of order.

DAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT.

About .5 hours into the trip, I was ready to pee. 1 hour in, I was in pain. By the 90 minute mark I was sizing up my nearly full water bottle, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to pee into it without anyone noticing.

Just around the time I started looking for a way to jump off the bus without getting killed, we stopped. For longer than it takes a person to get on or off.

With my legs firmly pressed together from groin to knee, I wobbled up from the last seat on the bus to the front, knocking into sleeping senior citizens all the way up.

No bus driver.

Pai nai? (Where you go?)

Out of pure desperation, I hang out the door screaming HONG NAAAAAM!!! (Bathroom). A group of nice looking gentlemen, who I assume are with the bus company, point in two totally different directions. Excellent.

After some discussion I’m led to the nicest bathroom I’ve seen in a while. It was beautiful even. Gorgeous. Heaven.

Business time.

Of course I trip over the cord of a floor lamp and send it flying as I exit. Naturally. Because I’m slick like that.

As I roll out of the building, the nice gentleman hands me a banana. In a manner that makes me feel that I should ALWAYS get a banana for going to the bathroom. In fact, I think I will address this again at a later time.