You want to send me MORE snail mail?!?!

I've actually been asked quite a bit for this - so here it is. My mailing address.

45 Hamilton St
Riverview
NSW 2066
Australia

BUUUUT, before you mail ANYTHING, please take a look at this link:
http://www.daff.gov.au/aqis/travel/entering-australia/cant-take

There is a serious quarantine in Australia, and they will rip apart any and all boxes, especially if there is anything "bad" in them. And I might never get the package. Fair warning.

Greatest.Text.Ever.

This had to be shared. Even though it really has nothing to do with anything.

Allow me to set it up.

Last weekend I went to a super dorky expat mixer thing and met a cool group of people who are willing to adopt me.

They were expats. Imagine that.

In any case, we went to a few bars/restaurants, and ended up at this club. While my friend went up to get drinks, this tall, chiseled, hot-ish, serious-looking dude slides into the empty chair next to me and starts spitting up lines. In some crazy Russian/Ukrainian accent.

FIRST, he said he came over to ask me why I looked upset. Then I looked sad. Then I was pretty, and he just had to come talk to me.

Whatever dude. You were way more attractive before you opened your mouth.

Then he went on about making friends, as he lit up a cigarette and stood over me. Once my friend was back, I kicked this kid out.

So I'm not really interested in his bullshit, obviously. But EVERY time I go to the bar, or bathroom, or hot dog stand, here's Steve. Sounding like the Terminator. Trying to get me to meet his friends and shit.

I'm starting to think that they tattooed "EASY" on my forehead at customs. In a special ink that only really-full-of-themselves-dudes can read.

I played nice, sorta, since it was my first time out in Sydney clubs. Didn't want to start up on the wrong foot.

I mocked him under my breath instead of out loud.

As I make a beeline for a street sausage, he insists on taking my number, and I just gave it to him. Because I figured he'd never ever use it.

Sunday morning, I get a text from Steve.

"Hello troublemaker, you miss me yet? ;)"

Yes, it included the emoticon. No embellishments here.

Umm, miss you? Yes, terribly ...

Not responding. Maybe if I stand still he won't see me, and he'll just go away.

Missed call later that afternoon.

Second missed call later in the week.

We started a real relationship, I think. He calls, I don't answer. He sends a text, I don't answer. Etc.

Yesterday, this relationship ended. Officially.

"Hey America, I feel like out marriage is going nowhere. We should take a break. We don't talk like we used to. I can't even remember the last time we had sex! It's not you, it's me. You keep the kids, I'll take the Porshe.

PS - You're sleeping on the couch.

Ta."

I almost want to ask him out now. Just because this text is so amazing.

And creepy. And totally uncalled for.

!?!?!? Can someone explain this to me?

Never.calling.him.

What the hell are you doing in Sydney?!

I guess those of you who read this shit would already know why I'm here.

I'm a nanny.
I'm avoiding the real world.
Dodging the recession.
All of the above.

I am NOT pregnent, I did not move here for a hot Aussie, and it is not always summer here. In fact, it's autumn. For the record.

I'm still working on the recaps from the trip - sorting through notes, making sure I give it justice. In the meantime, here are a few pics of what I'm up to.

For my "welcome to Australia" weekend, the family took me to a little animal park where I got to see all of the nutso animals they have here. These are some obvi faves - kangaroos and wallabies. There were also koalas and wombats and dingos and some other stuff that kind of scared me. Excellent.

I tried to pose with the kids and animals - clearly, that didn't go that well.

First impressions? The culture is much more British than I bargained for, and driving on the other side of the road is easier than I thought it would be.

You can get kicked out of clubs for anything, because no one in the service industry expects tips. Read : TERRIBLE customer service.

Umm, and that's it so far.

I made it!

I'm heeeeeere.

I made it to Australia on the 27th after a 2 day hike. I left Chiang Mai, waited around for 6ish hours, then jumped the night train to Bangkok. I waited around Bangkok for 10ish hours, picked up my luggage from random hiding spots in the city, and jumped a night plane to Melbourne. After a four hour layover and a 2 hour flight, I finally landed in my final destination - Sydney suburbia.

So far I'm pretty pumped - the neighborhood is adorable, the kids are cute, and the city looks fantastic. I'm still learning how to drive on the left side of the road in the HUGE car ... we'll see how long it takes me to make a blog post out of that ;)

In the meantime, you can call me if you miss me - I got a new cell number ;)

If you dial 011 61 434084139 from the States, it should work. Maybe.

Can't wait for allllll of those calls to start rolling in!

And the adventure continues ... in Dalat. Part One. Many pictures and videos.

It’s time. The time you’ve all been waiting for. The limitless installments of Asian Invasion BBB 2009.

You see, I’m without shelter for the next 36ish hours. I was let out of the meditation center at 11am, and I have nothing to do between now and 10:30pm tomorrow except get to Bangkok for a flight. Which normally takes around 8 hours on a bus. But since I have nothing but time, I decided to take the 14 hour train ride instead.

Read: no need for a guesthouse. Monies saved.

And time for blogging.

So, back to Vietnam.

After Ho Chi Min City, we decided to head to cooler lands, in the country’s central mountain ranges. Thanks to Mikey for not letting us overlook this awesome stop on the backpackers’ trail.

Had I not been completely drunk when I got on the bus, thanks to a crazy night in HCM, I might have enjoyed the beautiful bus ride a bit more. Dalat is an agricultural powerhouse, growing everything from coffee (!!!!!) to lettuces and more boring things.

It’s like the non-Vietnam – the weather is comfortably cool and the people are really really nice. Mostly.

We got off the bus and, typically, had no idea what we wanted to do or where we wanted to stay. A cab driver dropped us off in front of some random place we picked out of the Lonely Planet guide. Immediately, the greatest woman ever greeted us with smiles and welcomed us into her guesthouse.

While she didn’t have a room for us, we did go there for most of our meals, and she always greeted us by our names.

“Good morning, Lisa. Where Adam? Still sleeping?”

"Oh, no. He's jacking off in the shower. He'll be over here in a few minutes."

Within minutes of first arriving at her place we were eating delicious food, drinking amazing Vietnamese coffee and getting pitched by a guide for a motorcycle tour. They almost had us sold into a 6 day bike ride, but we managed to get ourselves back into day tour range.

The next day we set off on the back of gorgeous “big bikes” to see Dalat in all of it’s glory. The tour was sooo pretty, with stops to see scenic pine forests, hikes up little hills for higher views and some other agricultural sites. Photos included.

Oh, and the silk farm and factory, which was really cool. Those are the worms up there.

Here’s how silk is made:

And a pretty pagoda with beautiful gardens, also seen above.

Thhhhen came the waterfall hike.

As some of you may recall, I’m not very bright. Or coordinated. Sometimes I act like I’m four and get excited and fall-down-go-boom.

The waterfall was pretty, and I wanted to put my feet in. So I crossed the little stream. Successfully, at first, which you can see in this little video.

On the way back, I got a little cocky. And I (accidentally) rode that stream like an extreme waterslide.

A lot of people in Asian countries can’t swim, so when I fell in, a really kind gentleman started freaking out and threw me a really thin stick to hold on to. He didn’t realize that I was a strong swimmer, that the stick would break, and the current wasn’t so bad. I was just in total shock as to what I had just managed to do and was screaming my ass off.

Adam wasn’t worried. He just started taking pictures.

I had really wanted to swim anyway, so I was going to stay in for a while to make it all worth it.

“Umm, Lisa. Where’s your camera?”

“UUUUMMMMM. Dammit. It’s in my pocket.”

So that was the end of that camera. I’m pretty sure my 2 year expired warranty doesn’t cover Vietnamese river damage.

My very very wet jeans were not the most comfortable wardrobe choice for the remaining few hours of the tour. The tour guide tried to take me shopping, but there was nothing available that looked even remotely comfortable. He just drove me around on the bike really fast to help me dry off quicker.

Then we saw how they make rice wine, and how they use it to keep the hogs drunk so they get fat faster. Seriously. The hogs are in a drunken stupor 24/7. At least that's more humane than locking up sober pigs? If I had to live in a cage, I would want to be drunk too.

Lastly, we saw this really nutso hotel that was built by a famous Vietnamese architect in an Alice in Wonderland – type style. The hallways were confusing and curvy, and the rooms were decked out in an on-acid theme with mirrors above all the beds. I wouldn’t really want to stay there … but it was a cool site and the pride of Dalat.

And that was our first full day in Dalat. We ended the evening in the market, where we bought too many silk paintings. And some woman was a bitch and refused to let me see her jewelry and made me mad. I just want a ring for my mommy, you whore!

Ugh, Vietnam. Sometimes you piss me off.

Backpeddalling ... some vids of my dorky self, thanks to ALC

Adam is abusive with his video function. In fact, I often pose for pictures when he's really taking a video. I'm smart like that.

Back to Angkor Wat for a moment, here's a video of me try to climb down the crazy stairs. I obviously thought he was going to take a picture.

Oh, and here's what I look like when I'm trying to relax on a Cambodian bus. Thanks for leaving me alone, asshole.

More later ... cheers!

I know, I know ...

Terrible terrible blogger, I am. So fire me.

It's been an amazing run - officially named Asian Invasion BBB 2009. It's winding down now, as I just left Bangkok behind, along with my trusty travel buddy.

The official itinerary changed quite a bit. We ended up hitting 5 countries, including Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand again, Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand one more time.

My passport is cooler than your passport.

For the next week I will be locking myself up in a meditation center for some reflecting and winding down before taking off on my next adventure. On the 26th I take off for Sydney ... and then the new party begins!

To those on you on the edges of your seats waiting for updates, rest assured that I have been taking careful notes on the craziness of the past month and you will be getting your fix soon. Highlights include:

- chasing down buses in southern Thailand
- near death by limestone cliff. and regular cliff
- piercings in Singapore
- other shenanigans

So stay tuned, folks. Once I have regular power and internet access again, it's ON.