FACT: Disneyland ain’t got nothin’ on the Happy Beer Garden

Walt Disney had many loves in his life – Hitler, dancing plush mice, Singha. His passion fueled the creation of a multi-billion dollar empire that manages to suck the life out of helpless parents while providing smiles to children around the world. Happy memories live on through cheap branded goods sewn by children in Asian sweatshops. Made with love. And smiles. And rainbows.

God, I miss my stuffed Mickey. Insert tear.

Now much older and wiser, I’ve made it my mission to find a place that can provide the same warm fuzzies to even the biggest kids. Don’t we deserve a little love?

My friends, I am to say that I believe I have succeeded.

The place: Happy Beer Garden
The person: Joi

Joi, the Happy Beer Garden’s happiest gardener, spreads her love and happiness in the form of Sigha and Thai whisky. In a world decorated with spring break on steroids light fixtures and tiki-esque décor, Joi delivers service with a smile that would please even the most jet-lagged farang.

But what makes the Happy Beer Garden more special than any other place in the world?
- Joi. Even while stumbling drunk, she manages to entertain and serve in one seamless swoop.
- Frozen face wipes. In the heat of Bangkok, a frosted wipe can provide orgasm-inducing refreshment.
- Aussies/Brits/other white people making fools of themselves. It’s entertainment that money can’t buy.
- Location. Within stumbling distance of Patpong, Bangkok’s notorious red light district, the possibility of continuing the night with more bad decision making is at your fingertips.
- Food. While Happy Beer Garden has a limited offering of Thai basics, CarPark culinary delights are just a stone’s toss away.
- Joi again. She takes more pictures than the paparazzi. With your camera.

Without effort, Joi has effectively become the hero in my personal Bangkok fairytale. A knight in shining armor to rescue me from the unbearable ailments of heat and sobriety.

So, if for no other reason, visit Bangkok for Joi. She will change your life.

If nothing else, she’ll take really great pictures of you. Drinking Singha.


(This post is dedicated to Joi. I couldn't have done it without you. I love you.)

This will eventually turn into a real travel blog ...

But until then, I'm having too much fun sharing my sarcastic interpretations of Bangkok. Just hang in there guys.

Thanks for all of the birthday wishes - it's almost over here in BK. And yes, I'm sober and writing on my blog. On my birthday. I started celebrating last night ... so I need to rest a bit ;)

Lesson Neung

So far, here’s what I’ve learned about Thailand.

- Porn means beautiful.
- Ping pong is not just a game best played with large cups of beer.
- Little spicy = so spicy your mouth goes numb and you can’t taste anything at all.
- Chooch dee means cheers.
- I’m white. Therefore, I’m rich.
- The same way Westerners use tanning lotions, Thais use whitening lotions. Vaseline White seems to be popular.
- Beer is expensive here.

Umm, I'm here

With the blessings of sunny skies, life-saving airport staff and an uncharacteristic bout of reliability on the part of American Airlines, I have arrived in Bangkok. Safely. With all of my luggage. Only 30 minutes late.

Luggage that will hold all 77 lbs of clothes and useless toiletries = $200
Tiny Thai airplane neighbor who doesn’t speak English or take up too much room = Priceless

Upon arrival, I find Bangkok to be extremely hot, humid and completely translated into English for my convenience. The language barrier is more of an accent issue. Or just trying to get a Thai to understand that you are not a millionaire. So sorry, no exciting stories on the “Lisa speaks Thai” front. Yet.

My days have been filled with the obligatory first date-style conversations with my 70+ classmates for the week. Think of it as your first week of college in the dorms - lots of hellos, tons of free food, unnecessary information, awkward glances, memorizing the name/university/hometown of each participant.

People trying to get laid. Resulting gossip.

Beer. Beer. Beer.

Or Singha, if you want to be more specific. I am in Thailand after all.